Sunday, May 10, 2015
Sunshine has come
Sunshine has arrived at the Hillman house! Sue Ling's presence brings nothing but joy every day we have been together. It's hard to believe that we have been a family for almost two months now. It feels like this child has been ours for a lifetime...and I would believe Sue Ling would say the same about us. We have been just waiting for God to put us together.
My first initiation into motherhood was within four minutes of meeting Sue Ling. I had to take her to the restroom! I was actually excited about this experience because I knew that I was now "officially" a Mama. I cried on the way to the bathroom. Since that moment, when we met for the first time, I have been filled with unbelievable joy. I have experienced happiness in my life, but I don't know if I have experienced this kind of joy. The Lord has blessed us beyond measure. All the personal struggles, the past, the disappointments, the hurts...He has taken those things away and has replaced everything with so much love. So much happiness. So much. I constantly sit in awe that He would allow us, two broken people, the privilege of be parents to this amazing girl. Wilson has said it before, and I agree with him, that kisses and hugs from Sue Ling is like being loved on in person by God. Her love is like a smidgen of what heaven will be like. A speck of the depth and width of His love for us. My life has been forever changed by adoption. I see and experience my relationship with the Lord in a different way now....He has taught me so much about Himself through this process. His ways and His plans are perfect.
The sermon today at church was an emotional one to sit through for me. Mother's Day. Although I feel like, and know, that this child is completely mine, I couldn't help but think of her biological mother as I got ready for church today. Sue Ling is my child. Yes, she came to us through the way of adoption, but the moment that sunshine walked through the doors of the hotel...she was instantly ours. The pain of waiting for her was like pregnancy and birth pains. The moment we saw each other, face-to-face, was the moment I touched and felt my baby for the first time. I can't explain into words what that feels like, but I know other adoptive mothers understand. That child was birthed out of our hearts just as much as a baby that comes from a womb. But on this first Mother's Day, I couldn't help but say a little prayer for the woman that has given me the opportunity to be the Mama to this little sunshine, my daughter Sue Ling. The sermon was on Exodus 2 and the mother of Moses. When she could care for him no longer, she ultimately allowed God to take her baby on a journey into the unknown. She showed such courage and faith. God had a plan for Moses, and He cared for Moses even when he was abandoned in the basket on the riverbank of the Nile.
Sue Ling was abandoned, but also not unseen by our Mighty God. Her biological family allowed her to be placed in an area where she would be found...they gave her a chance of hope. But the God of Hope knew the story all along...just as He knew Moses'. He had a plan and purpose for Moses...and I know He has one for our sunshine girl.
So, as this Mother's Day came to a close...I found myself assisting Sue Ling in the bathroom this afternoon. A wave of emotion flooded over me as she smiled with those dimples and gave me kisses. The ugly cry came out. I was overwhelmed with gratefulness to my God for giving me a beautiful child. I was honored to be apart of the many mother's being loved on today. I was saddened to know that Sue Ling's biological mother will never know how much joy this girl brings to this world. And I was overwhelmed that God would allow me to be her mother, and the recipient of such joy and love.
I know Wilson had to be confused to why I was breaking down in the bathroom when he came to see what was going on. He just held me while Sue Ling rubbed my arm and asked me if I was okay. I loved that moment. Being able to reassure her that Mama was fine, and that I was just so stinking happy....and that Sue Ling would always be my daughter and I will love her forever. Forever.
Lord, on this Mother's Day, I pray that you will allow me as many years as possible to enjoy this "Sunshine" in my life. I praise you for your love, care and perfect plan. I pray for mothers that have made painful sacrifices, and for those that have been blessed from those sacrifices. I pray for those women that would love to be mothers...give them the comfort only you can give. And last, thank you for giving us mothers that have poured their lives into ours.
Happy Mother's Day.